


We'll Say It Happens Like That

by misssnowfox



Series: Spend A Little Less Time Keeping Score [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Denial of Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Jealous Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, POV Kageyama Tobio, Pining, Romance, Team Mom Sugawara Koushi, the one where they get together thanks to a box of chocolates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misssnowfox/pseuds/misssnowfox
Summary: He prides himself on being a well-oiled machine, both on and off the court. The things in his life make sense. Volleyball makes sense, the dynamic he has with his teammates makes sense, his place (or lack thereof) on the academic hierarchy makes sense. And Hinata has slowly and stubbornly fit into the category of things in his life that he understands.__Tobio Kageyama fights a losing battle against his own heart and Shouyou Hinata is certainly involved. But maybe some battles aren't meant to be won.Part 1 ofSpend a Little Less Time Keeping Score, the series known behind the scenes asFive Times Hinata Was Kageyama's First and One Time Kageyama Was Hisbut that evolved into something much more.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: Spend A Little Less Time Keeping Score [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644838
Comments: 102
Kudos: 625





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people!
> 
> A very important thing I want to mention before you read/comment on this fic.
> 
> I am very much an anime-only and am only caught up, at the time of writing this fic and publishing the first chapter, to S4E7.
> 
> The fic takes place between February - April of Hinata and Kageyama's first year of high school which means it takes place after the events that I know about in the anime. That's why any mention of nationals and/or what happened is omitted completely from the fic besides the bare minimum because obviously I have no idea what happens at nationals or who wins, as well as any other plot details that may or happen towards the end of their school year.
> 
> If you're lovely enough to leave a comment PLEASE keep this in mind and do not confirm or deny anything that happens in the manga past where I am in the show. I highly doubt there's anything in this fic that could warrant manga spoiler discussions but I'm just watching my back seeing as there are a few manga things I've been spoiled on since joining the fandom and it sucks.
> 
> Other than that, please enjoy our silly, silly boys.

Valentine’s Day, Kageyama realises, is very different in high school than it is in middle school. He’s not sure if it’s the heightened atmosphere of suddenly feeling so much more mature (even when you’re not) or if it has something to do with how good looking everyone seems to get once they finally crawl through puberty. 

Or, it could just be that Kageyama actually has _friends_ now and avoiding the hustle and bustle and tension of angsty teenage panic had been easy when he’d spent most of his days outside of practice alone. 

This year, however, he becomes so violently aware of the occasion that he finds himself weighing with match-like precision as to whether he really needs that many friends in his life and how easily he could end some of them then and there. 

The day starts with Kageyama arriving - or rather racing against Hinata - to their 7am practice only to find Tanaka already inside. He’s pacing frantically, despite Daichi and Suga’s best efforts to calm him down. Ever since he’d found out they were a couple, Kageyama approaches the two of them with a certain level of caution. To him, couples are a foreign and unpredictable concept that could easily interfere with volleyball. It probably doesn’t help that he’d been the last of the first years to find out, behind even an idiot like Hinata. 

“What if she’s changed her mind?” Kageyama hears Tanaka ask frantically.

“I’m sure not even you could have done something to mess it up since yesterday,” Daichi says. 

“Oh God, did she say something to you?! Do you know something?!”

“Daichi, for the love of God…” he hears Suga mutter behind him.

While Kageyama usually made it his business to keep out of what little team relationship drama there was, he has a feeling he knows what Tanaka’s frantic wailing is about. Not even Kageyama could have tuned out the shouting and crying that had ensued yesterday when Tanaka had burst into the clubroom and announced to whoever was willing (or unwilling) to listen that he and Ichika - a pretty but feisty second year he’d been crushing on for weeks ever since she shouted at him for spilling water all over her English notes - had started dating. 

Kageyama could only assume that his current state of panic was out of the fear that he wouldn’t receive Valentine’s chocolates from her today, rendering their entire love story null and void. 

“What if she knows about me and Kiyoko and flew into a jealous rage! She knows that that’s all over between us now!”

“Tanaka, there was never a 'you and Kiyoko' to begin with,” Suga explains with a level of patience Kageyama could merely marvel at. 

In an effort to preserve what little sanity he assumes he needs to get through the rest of the day, Kageyama makes the executive decision to come back once Tanaka had been suitably sedated and they could get on with what they were supposed to be doing. Volleyball. 

On his way out of the gym, Kageyama crosses paths with Hinata who, eyes closed and humming, completely oblivious to everything around him, splutters and complains audibly as Kageyama walks past him and grabs him by the arm, effectively dragging him out with him. 

“What the- put me down Crappy-yama!”

“Come on, we’re warming up in the clubroom,” he says. “Where the hell have you been anyway? You beat me this morning.” The last part of the sentence is more a grunt than actual words, but Hinata seems to understand him anyway because he goes suspiciously quiet and stops struggling in Kageyama’s grip. 

“Nowhere,” he says, which almost certainly means _somewhere_. 

“Whatever,” Kageyama replies “Not like all that racing is helping you get any stronger if I can drag you out of here like a newborn puppy. Even Yachi could probably do better than you.”

In an indirect way, Kageyama solves his original problem, but creates an entirely new one when what follows is a pinching match which quickly escalates into a full-blown elementary school style hair-pulling, shin-kicking fight that gets the attention of their upperclassmen, who rush out to pull them off each other. It may have ended Tanaka’s monologue of despair, but it earns them a scolding from Daichi. Hinata vows to not speak to Kageyama for the rest of the day for getting him into trouble.

Friends were _definitely_ overrated.

* * *

Hinata’s vow lasts only the majority of the morning, when Kageyama approaches him during their lunch break and asks him if he wants to spike some sets in the playground (meaning “I’m sorry”) and Hinata’s eyes go bright like it’s the first time (meaning “it’s okay, dumbass”).

They set and spike and bump and volley in easy companionship and Kageyama forgets all about his earlier irritation during practice and then Hinata misses a perfectly good dig and the ball rebounds off his face and into their bags laying on the side. 

“Daydreaming?” Kageyama asks, already walking over to retrieve the ball. Hinata scowls and prattles on about something behind him but it all becomes white noise when Kageyama lifts the ball off Hinata’s half-open bag and notices the box of chocolates in there. 

Not just any box of chocolates. _Valentine’s_ chocolates. 

For a moment, his backwards logic supplies him with a thousand and one possible explanations for what he’s seeing, ranging from this not being Hinata’s bag, to aliens having invaded Earth and messed with the space-time continuum. He’d seen all sorts of alternative timelines in some of those American Sci-Fi films that Suga brought to the last movie night they’d had. 

By the time it clicks that this is, in fact, _Hinata’s_ bag and _Hinata’s_ Valentine’s Day chocolates that _he_ had received from someone at this school, Hinata has already run over to him to investigate what the delay is all about. 

When he sees what Kageyama is looking at, he looks a little embarrassed.

“They’re … um …”

“I know what they are, dumbass. When did you even get these?” Because it’s the only question Kageyama can come up with to which he might receive an answer that makes any sense in his brain. 

Hinata’s right hand makes its way to the strands of hair around his right ear; slightly longer than the ones on his left. His left hand stays by his side but fiddles with his uniform trousers. They may have only known each other for 10 months or so and tolerated each other for about half of those, but Kageyama knows enough to recognise when Hinata is nervous. If he wasn’t so confused and irritated, he might have felt bad for giving him the third degree. 

“Before practice, she um … when I was getting ready to follow you out of the club room, she came and found me.”

With the mystery of Hinata’s earlier slacking off solved, Kageyama decides that he would take personal responsibility from now on to make sure he and Hinata got to practice on time together. Hinata clearly couldn't be trusted to make it on his own if random school girls were stopping him to offer him chocolates at any opportunity as though he was the athletic equivalent of Red Riding Hood. Oh God, what if these were poisonous?

“Who is she? Do you even know her?” Kageyama finds himself subconsciously shaking the box in his hands as though it contained a bomb rather than sweets. 

Hinata’s expression turns from embarrassed to mildly irritated. “I don’t need to explain myself to you.” _That_ stops Kageyama in his tracks immediately. Not because of the abruptness of the statement, but because Hinata is right. He _doesn’t_ owe Kageyama an explanation. “But if you must know, she’s in my homeroom and she’s very nice. Apparently she watched us play against Shiratorizawa and thought we looked really awesome.”

Kageyama shoves the chocolates back into Hinata’s bag with more force than he intended and stands up. Of course Hinata would go doe-eyed over the first person that complimented his volleyball skills. 

“So what, she’s going to be your girlfriend now or something?” The conversation was getting very out of hand, _very_ quickly. It's the longest Kageyama has ever spent talking or thinking about the topic of another person’s relationships and he doesn’t know where his current level of investment has come from but it pisses him off. Having voluntarily just left practice earlier that morning to avoid talking about this topic, here he was arguing with Hinata about it. With _Hinata_ of all people. Kageyama wasn’t even confident he’d ever used the word _girlfriend_ in his life and it feels foreign in his mouth. 

Hinata crosses his arms. “What’s _wrong_ with you? I thought Tanaka was supposed to be the paranoid one, but you’re acting like a real jerk today.”

Kageyama throws his own bag over his shoulder and begins to walk in the direction of the school building. “Whatever, just don’t be surprised if you start falling behind because you’ll be too busy slacking off. She’s probably only even given those to you because she doesn’t want to look bad in front of her friends.”

It’s harsh and what’s worse is he _knows_ it’s harsh, but the words have already left his mouth and he can’t take them back now. He storms past Hinata, not daring to see the effect his comments had on him and vows to do 50 serves in an attempt to neutralise his anger. 

* * *

Hinata and Sachiko - the chocolate girl from Hinata’s class - do in fact date for a grand total of 3 weeks. Kageyama is a walking storm for every single one of them. 

He prides himself on being a well-oiled machine, both on and off the court. The things in his life make sense. Volleyball makes sense, the dynamic he has with his teammates makes sense, his place (or lack thereof) on the academic hierarchy makes sense. And Hinata has slowly and stubbornly fit into the category of things in his life that he _understands_. 

For all of their sometimes unexplainable animosity, that understanding of Hinata and his place in Kageyama’s life is something he’s unwittingly begun to fiercely rely upon. Hinata in a _relationship_ is a concept he can’t comprehend, had never considered comprehending. 

He’d assumed it would always be _this_ way; playful competition, fierce glances from across a volleyball court, quiet walks home from school accompanied by the smell of warm curry buns, sitting side by side on the bus home from a tournament without having to ask for permission, or in the cafeteria, or during team meetings or on the rare occasions their upperclassmen made them study. Would Hinata want to sit with his new girlfriend now during lunch? Would he quit volleyball altogether so he could spend more time with her? 

Stupid Hinata and his stupid girlfriend. 

He hates them both for making him break into a cold sweat from the thought of so much change happening so quickly. Hates that on the second day Hinata bails on walking home together after school, he stops by Ukai’s store to buy a portion of curry buns and doesn’t eat them. Hates himself the most for assuming that he could blame Hinata’s relationship for affecting their club dynamic because, unsurprisingly, Hinata is completely unchanged on the court. 

It’s Kageyama, not volleyball, that Hinata has less time for in those three weeks and Kageyama drives himself into a frenzy trying to come up with a logical conclusion as to why he’s allowed to be angry at Hinata for that. 

His worries turn out to be short-lived when he finds out that Sachiko has broken it off with Hinata. He doesn’t ask about the details, but Hinata doesn’t seem particularly phased by the situation and so he assumes he and Sachiko are still on good terms. Then again, Hinata is so earnestly open and comfortable with his emotions and with other human beings in a way that Kageyama finds so inaccessible that it shouldn’t surprise him that he can even smile like the sun the day after his first break up. 

They walk home together that evening and Hinata munches contently on his curry buns, leaving Kageyama with a pleasant warmth at the familiar sound of it. 

“Look on the bright side,” He says “At least you won’t have to think of anything to get Sachiko for White Day.” 

Hinata shrugs silently, which Kageyama thinks is unusual because eating has never prevented Hinata from speaking before if he really wanted to say something. Perhaps his last comment had been a little too harsh. 

In his head, it sounded reassuring, but like most of the things he says, the journey from his brain to his mouth possesses a special quality that manages to tarnish even the most innocent of comments to something that can sound petty, spiteful or just downright cruel. 

Kageyama counts 84 seconds of silence before he hears Hinata mumbling his name like a question. He hums for Hinata to continue. 

“Have you ever had a girlfriend before?”

The question physically plants Kageyama’s feet to the earth like a sack of potatoes. 

“ _What_?” he says, paying very close attention to resist the urge to fling Hinata halfway across the town. To his surprise, Hinata doesn’t look nervous or embarrassed to be asking him. His head is slightly tilted down and his eyes just look heavy and sad. 

“Well, it’s just… you’ve been acting really crappy ever since you found those chocolates in my bag and I don’t know why. So I went to speak to Suga and he said he thought you might be jealous…” He trails off slightly wide-eyed - well, more wide-eyed than usual - and Kageyama gets the impression that he didn’t mean to reveal that last part. He shakes his head and when he speaks again, he sounds far less sad and far more irritated; an emotion that Kageyama has far more experience dealing with. “Anyway, so I thought maybe you were upset that I had a girlfriend and you didn’t have one? Except now neither of us have a girlfriend so things should go back to normal, but you’re still acting all…” He ponders for a moment before making, what Kageyama can only assume, is an impression of the face he’s pulling right now. 

“You spoke to.. I was..” He tries to process and answer ten questions at once before finally deciding on, “Wait, is _that_ why you two broke up?”

“Well, no, not exactly... We didn’t really have that much in common to be honest. I think she didn’t realise how much time I spend on volleyball. But it’s not like it matters, because I don’t have a girlfriend anymore and you’re still being a jerkwad!” His tone has moved straight to the accusative one he seems to have curated just for Kageyama’s temper. _You got us lost didn’t you Kageyama? Throw me a bone Kageyama! Would it kill you to smile Kageyama?_

And what is he supposed to say? It’s not like he can tell Hinata that things can never go back to the way they were before. Not inside his head. 

“Shut up,” is what he deems a suitable response in the end, as his feet remember to move once again in the direction of his house. Hinata scurries after him, a curious ball of energy. 

“Is it right what Suga said? That you were feeling jealous? Is it because no one got you chocolates on Valentine’s Day? It’s really not a big deal you know. If it makes you feel better, I could bu-”

“You just don’t know when to _shut up_ do you?” Kageyama hisses and Hinata makes himself visibly smaller for a second under the vile behind his words. He then returns to his normal stature; challenging. 

“Well, you’re not making any sense!” He accuses, voice slightly raised and whiny. “Whenever you get mad on the court you just go all growly and mean but we’ve been doing really well during practice so I know _that_ can’t be bothering you. And if you weren’t jealous of me because you liked Sachiko, then what’s been bugging you?”

Kageyama feels cornered, startled. He hasn’t a single answer for any of the questions he’s being cut by and he scrambles for purchase as though he’s climbing up a crumbling brick wall. “For God’s sake Kageyama, I thought after nearly a year of high school you could tell me why you’re pissed off. You’ve never had a problem with it when you’re telling me how many directs I’ve messed up! We’re friends, aren’t we? You can te-”

“Maybe we’re not!” It’s out of his mouth before he ever stood a chance to stop it and the momentum of his panic makes him spiral. He knows he’s using his words as a weapon to gain control over the conversation rather than as something he actually _means_. And yet he can’t stop. “We’re teammates, okay? We play volleyball together - that doesn’t mean I have to talk to you about personal stuff. I don’t owe you _anything_ , and if you need someone to cry to so bad maybe _you’re_ the one that needs a girlfriend, not me.”

Too much, it’s too much. He’s gone too far. 

There’s an ugliness to those words that goes way beyond his normal game time critique and Kageyama _feels_ the exact moment he knows he’ll regret saying them for a very long time. 

But maybe this was all for the best. Maybe Kageyama’s Sachiko-induced panic was a thinly-veiled message from the universe that he and Hinata were just spending _too much time_ together. Volleyball before school, volleyball during lunch, hanging out together after school. And that didn’t even cover all the time they spent together during training camps. He wasn’t built for this, for relying this much on another human being. Maybe all he needs is a Hinata detox to set things back to how they were.

What he needs is to turn around and leave so he stops having to look at Hinata’s crestfallen face. 

“I’ll see you on Monday,” he says before leaving Hinata standing alone at the fork in the road.

* * *

That night Kageyama dreams about Hinata. He dreams that Hinata is standing at the back of the court, staring at him with the same expression he’d had when Kageyama left him the day before. He supposes he deserves being haunted with it for having been the one to ever cause Hinata to make that face in the first place. 

He’s standing by the net, or more accurately he’s tangled _in_ the net. There isn't a single living soul with them in the court, in the stands, no referees or scorekeepers. Every time Kageyama struggles, the net envelops him further, almost like it moulds to the contours of his body. Hinata doesn’t move. Just stares at him on the verge of tears while Kageyama struggles.

He wakes up in a cold sweat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the speedy beta read.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this ride, I can't wait to share the rest of the story with you!
> 
> * 
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3


	2. Chapter 2

He assumes that having the weekend as a mental break will give him the strength to face Hinata again on Monday, but all it does is make a marvel of his nerves and cause him to wake up at 4 in the morning, unable to get back to sleep. Accepting defeat, he makes a move to get ready for school and shows up at school at 6:30, secretly praying that someone other than Hinata will show up next. 

He paces and sits and paces and sits, countless times over, until Tanaka shows up with the club room key. It’s almost 7:00 and there’s still no sign of Hinata. Kageyama undresses and changes in silence and makes his way to the gym with everyone else, not taking part in the usual morning chatter. There’s nothing suspicious about this, he thinks. If there was anyone he’d usually be found talking to first thing in the morning it would be Hinata.

His absence causes some heads to turn and what infuriates Kageyama the most is that all of them seem to think _he’s_ the best authority on Hinata’s whereabouts. He hates that it’s come to this. 

“How would I know where he is, do I look like his mother?” He usually has a fairly sizable amount of patience and respect for the guys on his team (discounting Hinata) and he rarely gets into scrapes with them. But it was Tsukki who pestered him this time and that alone was enough to warrant a bitey response.

The others don’t seem particularly phased by his attitude. It is, after all, _Tsukki_ he’s speaking to. The two of them will fight even in their skeletal states. Only Sugawara, who he catches looking specifically _at_ him rather than just in his direction, looks concerned with his behaviour. He looks away, feeling his cheeks heat under what he assumes is Suga’s disappointment. He can’t stand being looked at like that, especially by someone who made sure he has a great deal to be grateful for. 

Hinata arrives just as they finish their warm ups, which earns him a half-hearted scolding from Daichi for tardiness.

“Sorry, captain,” he says “I warmed up in the club room already so I’m good to go.”

“Okay great, we’ll start with passing and receiving while you guys wake up and then we’ll move onto serves. Pair up and get those arms moving.”

They’ve developed somewhat of a routine by now, and while Daichi sometimes encourages them to work with different people, he doesn’t lecture them about it today. Naturally, their usual practice pairs find each other and carve out a free space in the gym; Noya and Asahi, Tsukki and Tadashi, Daichi and Sugawara. On instinct, Kageyama makes his way over to Hinata, forgetting for a moment that they haven’t uttered a word to each other since Friday’s argument. 

He doesn’t have long to worry about it, however, because just as Kageyama approaches him, Hinata walks right past him without so much as a half glance and goes straight towards Ennoshita. 

Kageyama freezes. 

He’s so shocked that he doesn’t even turn around in time to see Ennoshita’s reaction, only hears his uncertain, “um… sure…” in response to Hinata asking him if this was a good spot to practice. 

Unfortunately for Kageyama, Ennoshita isn’t the only one that notices. Kageyama is terrible at reading people off the court, but even he can tell that they’re all embarrassed witnessing what just happened. Those that haven’t already moved away and started practising all turn to face them as though they’re watching one of those strange wildlife programmes where you see a caterpillar become a butterfly in real-time. It’s unsettling and yet fascinating all at once. 

He sees Suga standing with Daichi out of the corner of his eye and notices him make a move as though to walk towards him, but he doesn’t get there in time. 

“Hey dude,” Tanaka’s voice calls out behind him, full of over-emphasised optimism. “You just gonna stand there all morning or are we gonna do some receives? You’re getting kinda sloppy!”

Kageyama hears the ball dropping like a dead weight on the gymnasium floor behind him during his last match at Kitagawa First and feels sick to his stomach. More than anything, he wants to be angry at Hinata for making him look so stupid in front of their whole team. For making such a public spectacle of his rejection, an experience he _knows_ makes Kageyama’s palms sweat and his vision go blurry. But he knows, with every ounce of the precious little self-awareness that he has, that he deserves this. It’s just that he’d taken for granted the fact that he’d never seen Hinata hold a grudge over anything before. Has never known him to be capable of spite. 

There’s still so much they don’t know about each other. 

“Yeah, thanks,” he tells Tanaka, before grabbing a free ball and trying not to feel the lack of Hinata’s presence as they volley to each other back and forth. 

* * *

Hinata leaves the gym first and noticeably quickly--which suits Kageyama just fine because at least he can pack up his things and exit without worrying about his heart falling out of his ass. He waits a minute or two before leaving in an attempt to make doubly sure he won’t bump into Hinata outside. 

He expects Suga to come up to him and give him some kind of pep talk. He’s been wearing a badly disguised _are you okay_ face all morning and it actually surprises Kageyama when he manages to leave the gym without being interrogated. As much as he likes Suga, he doesn’t want to deal with his questions right now, especially when he hasn’t had a chance to perfect his fake-neutral reaction to Hinata’s earlier dismissal of him.

By the time it gets to lunchtime and Suga still hasn’t cornered him, Kageyama becomes uncharacteristically suspicious. He realises that in the past 36 hours he’s gone from being on speaking terms with everyone, to now trying to avoid two people who he’s on the same volleyball team with. It feels like a lot of work and Kageyama realises that he’ll have to relive this entire ordeal again tomorrow morning and for as many mornings as it takes for Hinata to speak to him again. 

He feels his 4am wakeup call hit him like a truck and all of a sudden, he’s _tired_. 

* * *

He takes a different route home than usual. 

It’s not longer by much, but it’s far preferable to the alternative. He doesn’t know everyone’s addresses on the team, but he at least knows Hinata’s and Suga’s. Both of whom, blessedly, live in the opposite direction to where he’s headed. 

Which is why he feels a thud of panic when he turns the corner and sees not just Daichi, whom he knows, based on the couple of times they’ve gathered at his house following a successful game, lives close by, but also Suga. They’re about 5 meters ahead of him, holding hands and chatting casually. 

Kageyama kicks himself for forgetting that of _course_ he could bump into Suga here. He and Daichi were a couple. They probably spent plenty of time at Daichi’s house after school doing… whatever it was that couples did when they weren’t playing volleyball. 

He makes a distressed noise somewhere in the back of his throat; not loud, but loud enough to get their attention. “Hey, Kageyama!” Daichi waves at him with a relaxed smile. When he wasn’t mad at them he actually had quite a soothing face to look at. “What brings you here?”

“I… got… lost.” 

Daichi laughs him off, but as though on cue, Suga turns to him and says, “Hey, do you want to go on ahead? I’m just going to go back to 7/11 and grab something for us, okay? Kageyama, you wanna come with?” 

Daichi looks between Suga and Kageyama and gives Suga a knowing, tender look, one that Kageyama has only really seen pass between the likes of his parents or grandparents. He feels as though that look has something very distinctly to do with _him_. He doesn’t like being the recipient of _looks_.

“I’ll see you later,” Daichi says to Suga and closes the distance between them with a peck on the side of his forehead. It’s the chastest form of affection Kageyama can imagine, but his eyes still go wide at the sight - not because it’s a kiss, but because it’s _them_. They’re the perfect example of professionalism and apparently, restraint. Even in the comfort and privacy of the gym, they barely even brush _shoulders_ , let alone lips, to the point where Kageyama had sworn that Hinata was pulling his leg at first when he told him they were a couple. To see them, especially Daichi, this affectionate together is like seeing a dog walk on his hind legs.

Suga turns to look at Kageyama, who feels himself blush furiously when he realises he’s been staring with his mouth slightly open for the past two seconds. He turns his head sharply to give the illusion he hadn’t been looking, but he doesn’t think he’s fast enough. 

Daichi laughs, clearly a little flustered. “Sorry about that Kageyama, didn’t mean to embarrass you. Force of habit.” He scratches the back of his head and Kageyama feels bad for having interrupted their private moment, but he’s also in a hurry for this calamity to be over so he can stop _blushing_. “Get a good night’s sleep today, okay? You looked tired this morning and we don’t want you injuring yourself on the court.” 

Kageyama nods obediently, “Yes sir.”

Suga walks up to him casually once Daichi leaves and Kageyama stiffens, even though he knew this was coming. 

“Do y-”

“It’s fine!” 

Suga’s eyes widen a little when they speak over each other, but he seems more amused than annoyed. He’s probably the most patient person Kageyama has ever met. 

He lets Kageyama get his breath back before he says, warm and approachable as ever, “I’m not going to make you talk if you’re not up for it. But if you want to, we can go grab some ramen.”

Kageyama isn’t used to being treated with this sort of patience or kindness, especially considering that he thinks that Suga suspects whatever happened between him and Hinata is Kageyama’s fault. It makes his skin itch a little at the unfamiliarity.

Suga stands there diligently and waits for an answer. Kageyama is reminded of Hinata’s face when he’d left him standing in the middle of the street and the tears he probably cried later. He doesn’t know how on earth Sugawara could help him, how he could possibly start to untangle the mess and the mystery he’s made of his own head, but he’s had four hour’s sleep and he’s tired and misses Hinata already even though it’s only been three days and he just doesn’t know what else he can do. 

He hopes to God he’s making the right decision when he says, “I like ramen.”

* * *

They sit and eat in companionable silence for about ten minutes before Kageyama starts to visibly fidget. 

“Something wrong?” Suga asks.

“I guess I just assumed you’d start grilling me as soon as you got me alone.” 

Suga laughs at that. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me all day?” Kageyama looks to the side in silent guilt. “You should know by now that grilling isn't really my style. That’s Daichi’s job, I prefer a gentler approach.”

Kageyama nods his understanding, but takes another sip of ramen instead of talking, so Suga carries on talking.

“Look, I want to be as much help to the team as I can and that includes everything, not just during gametime. Believe it or not we care about you guys, all of us third years. But we’re not going to be around for much longer and if there’s something bothering you, something that you feel you can’t talk to anyone about, I wanted to at least give you a chance to get something off your chest. Hey, if it goes badly, in a week you won’t ever have to _set_ eyes on me again if you don’t want to.”

Kageyama doesn’t miss the pun and definitely does _not_ snort into his spoon as he takes his next sip. But his amusement is short lived. 

Thinking about a future at Karasuno without Suga, Daichi or Asahi isn’t something he’s done very often and it definitely doesn’t fill him with the relief that Suga jokingly suggests it does. He’s seen players come and go throughout the years he’s been playing this sport, but he’d never felt like he belonged anywhere before now. Suga was a huge part of that reason. Was the reason why he was allowed to set foot on the court in the first place. He does not want _any_ of them to graduate and he does not want to be anyone’s upperclassman next year. He just wants them to keep playing volleyball together and for Hinata to fly with him side by side again and for time to just stop for a moment.

“And hey, if I’m getting the wrong idea here and this is just another one of your moods, then at least you got free ramen out of it.” His eyes crinkle and can’t help the warmth he feels at the gesture. “But … I’m not wrong am I? Something’s been bothering you hasn’t it?”

Kageyama places his bowl back on the table for what he assumes will be the _serious_ part of the conversation.

“May I ask if you and Hinata had a talk the other day? I’m only assuming based on the scene at practice this morning that it didn’t go well?”

“Yeah…” Kageyama mumbles. 

“Yeah ‘I may ask’? Yeah ‘you guys talked’? Or yeah ‘it didn’t go well’?” Suga teases. Kageyama considers paying for his ramen and leaving as an act of protest.

“Yeah we talked …” he’s had way too many misses when it comes to his verbal intent in the past few days and so he takes a moment to mull over his next words carefully. “Sugawara, why did you tell Hinata that I was jealous?” It’s the question that’s been bugging him for days and he might as well try to get an answer while he’s feeling brave enough. 

Suga sighs. “I’m really sorry, I feel kind of terrible about that. Honestly, I should never have even gotten involved and I don’t want you to feel as though I was stirring.” He seems to really mean it. “But one day Hinata was cleaning up after practice and he was _so_ upset, so I asked if he was okay and he sort of poured his heart out to me. I tried to give him the best advice I could, I wasn’t trying to meddle. He told me everything and swore he was going to tell you the truth as soon as he could. He asked my opinion about it and I just told him that, honestly? It seemed obvious that you were jealous. Obviously, that was when he was still seeing Sachiko, so I assume after it didn’t work out with her, he came to speak to you about it?”

Kageyama nods. 

They’re sitting at a table that was part-bench, part-chair and Suga tentatively moves to Kageyama’s bench side and sits next to him. This position offers them a bit more privacy and Kageyama isn’t sure what that means for the turn this conversation is about to take but it can’t be good. 

“Look, honestly, I got the feeling that Hinata’s wanted to talk to you about this for a while now and seeing you react that way on Valentine’s Day finally gave him the courage to tell you the truth. Am I right in thinking that it was a bit of a shock to you? That it didn’t exactly go well and you had a fight or something?” 

Kageyama nods again. Having Hinata accuse him of being jealous because he thought he wanted Sachiko for himself? Yeah, that had surprised him alright. 

“I figured. He looked devastated when he came in this morning,” he says, then chuckles under his breath. “You know when Daichi and I first started dating, we couldn’t have been much younger than you guys. It wasn’t always easy, especially for him.” 

Kageyama isn’t exactly sure why they’re discussing Daichi all of a sudden, but Suga’s voice is pleasant and soothing and the ramen has made him even sleepier, so he just lets him continue. 

“I don’t think he was _completely_ naive as to what he wanted, but whereas I’d been pretty confident in who I was since middle school, it took a little longer for him to come to terms with it and feel comfortable in himself. By the time we figured out that we liked each other and I asked him out, I think he’d just about started feeling at home in his own skin.” He laughs then. “Really, it’s _him_ you should be having this conversation with right now, not me. If he’d been slightly angrier and more….” Suga makes a vague gesture at Kageyama’s general person “I imagine he’d have dealt with it just like you. You’re more similar than you think.”

Kageyama looks up at him, now thoroughly confused. 

“My point is,” Suga continues “is that we were lucky that even though we didn’t have it all figured out when we got together, we at least knew what we liked. We weren’t starting from square one, so crushing and falling in love just felt … I don’t know, easy somehow.” He pauses and then looks slightly embarrassed. “Sorry, I uh… probably shouldn’t be talking to you about this sort of stuff while I’m still your upperclassman.”

“Sugawara I’m sorry, but I really don’t know where you’re going with this.”

Suga smiles at him. “I’m saying that I can only imagine how hard it must be to process your feelings about another person when you’re still figuring out yourself at the same time. I know hearing Hinata say those things probably made you think about some things that you’ve not had to think about... or maybe you have? I’ll be honest I’m a little out of my depth here…” It’s the first time Kageyama hears his confidence falter. “I want you to know that it’s okay for you to take some time and figure out your feelings and what it is you want. I’m sure Hinata will understand.”

Kageyama feels like he’s underwater, or deprived of oxygen. He feels stupider than usual and he knows Tsukki would have a field day if he saw him right now. Though he’d like to see _him_ try and decipher Suga’s cryptic speeches. 

He really should have skipped the ramen and just gone home… 

“My feelings…” he slurs “For… Sachiko?”

If Kageyama wasn’t so lost, he might have burst out laughing at how quickly Suga’s face changes from doting upperclassman to goldfish.

“Sachiko…? Kageyama… are you feeling alright?” He actually sounds genuinely concerned for his mental state. Which Kageyama decides he has no right to. _He’s_ not the one who dragged Suga in here and scrambled his thoughts till he couldn’t remember which way was up.

“Why would I have feelings for Sachiko?” Kageyama asks.

“I don’t know, why _would_ you?”

“Well I _don’t_ ,” he insists, finally his frustration talking the place of feeling stupid.

“I _know_ that,” Suga spells out with annoying clarity. 

“Then why did you get it into Hinata’s head that I want to date her? You said you didn’t want to meddle, but you told him I was jealous over her and how he thinks I want a girlfriend, or _his_ girlfriend or just some kind of girlfriend.”

He’s sure he tries to go for heat, but all that comes out is a resigned, depressed tone rather than the anger he wanted. There’s a lengthy pause, during which Suga just stares at him. Not as wide-eyed as he’d been a moment ago, but still in a state of processing and rebooting. 

“I never told him… That is _not_ what I meant…”

“Well, that’s what he thinks!” He feels his pulse quicken in frustration as he senses their conversation going absolutely nowhere. “When have I ever said I wanted a girlfriend? But he wouldn’t stop _nagging_ me about it.”

“Kageyama, God, I’m so sorry, I think there’s been a huge misunderstanding…” Suga moves to get up and reaches for his wallet “Look, it’s getting late, why don’t I pay for these?”

Kageyama is astounded. It was Suga who suggested they ‘talk’ and now he was going to just leave him with more questions?

“Why does Hinata think that I want a girlfriend? Why was he so upset about it?”

“Kageyama, this is really something you should discuss with Hinata, it’s really not for m—”

“—Sugawara, _please_.” 

_That_ makes Suga stop in his tracks. It comes out more desperate than Kageyama had intended but Suga clearly has more information than he does and if that information has even the slightest chance of making amends between him and Hinata then he can’t leave this room without getting some answers. 

“Kageyama…” Suga sits back down, which calms Kageyama down now that he’s no longer the smaller person out of the two of them. “I’m so sorry that I’ve made things worse for you. When I saw you and Hinata in the gym this morning I assumed that he’d told you everything that he and I discussed. I shouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion. I’m sorry.”

So they _had_ spoken about something important. Something that had led to Hinata and Kageyama coming to blows.

“It wouldn’t be right of me to tell you the things he said to me if he hasn’t come to you himself. When you figure all of this out, I promise I’ll be here to listen.”

Kageyama bows his head respectfully. “I understand.” Which is the exact opposite of how he feels, but what can he do? He can’t _force_ Suga to tell him what was said during that conversation. 

Jealous of Hinata. He hadn’t been jealous of Hinata before, but he most certainly is now. Jealous that things like talking and feeling and existing were things that all came so naturally to Hinata. That whatever he had felt inside him, he hadn’t let it fester the way Kageyama would - _did_ ; like a war threatening to destroy him from the inside out without warning. Hinata lets his demons roam free and then relies on those around him to help him fight those wars when he needs them. It’s the way it’s supposed to be, Kageyama thinks. That’s how normal humans function. And Hinata is so overwhelmingly normal in his interactions with others, so functioning and open in a way that Kageyama could never be, that he wonders why Hinata ever puts up with - _put_ up with him in the first place. Why he’s all eager eyes and dazzling smile whenever he and Kageyama are together, when all Kageyama is, is an angry setter who by some chance managed to figure out how to make Hinata fly. 

“I just don’t understand why you told Hinata that I was jealous of him because of a girl,” Kageyama says quietly, his head still hanging slightly in defeat. “It’s the reason he even came to speak to me in the first place.”

“Okay, that… that was probably my fault, but I don’t think Hinata understood what I was trying to say, he’s um… not always the quickest on the uptake I think.” Suga sighs out a laugh and that statement is almost enough for Kageyama to crack a smile. Dumbass Hinata, of course this was all his fault for getting the wrong idea. Thank God one of them had two brain cells rather than one. “I… I wasn’t trying to tell Hinata that you were jealous of him dating Sachiko because you wanted a girlfriend or because you liked Sachiko. I was trying to tell him that I thought you wished it had been you instead of Sachiko. That you were jealous _over_ him.”

A volleyball to the back of the head might have been less of a surprise than those words.

“What?” He asks, but it doesn’t even sound like him anymore. Like his voice is disembodied and echoey. 

“Look, if I’ve got the wrong idea, then I’m _so_ sorry, and we can forget this conversation ever happened... but if you do like Hinata, it’s not something you need to be scared or ashamed of. I’m not saying you have to do anything about it. No one has the right to tell you that. But coming to terms with feelings? Especially if it’s your first time? I know how that can eat away at you if you don’t have anyone to talk to or anyone who understands. It’s…. It’s really, _really_ lonely.”

All Kageyama wants is for Suga to stop talking. To stop putting images in his head and a weight upon his heart. It feels like playing a game against Date Tech, having an iron wall on him every time he diverts his thoughts to something other than him and Hinata, Hinata and him. Them _together_. 

But where Date Tech’s iron wall had been exciting, thrilling, challenging, this new one that bombards him with thoughts of walks home after school but holding hands, of kisses on the side of forehead, of reading someone’s thoughts just by looking at them - all the things that he thinks _couples_ do - makes him want to empty the contents of his stomach over the table. 

He remembers a time, however, when playing a star team like that had also made him want to run and cry rather than plant his feet and face the possibility of defeat like a warrior. In a fleeting moment of panic, he wonders if the two emotions are not different at all, just two sides of the same spectrum that he doesn’t have a name for yet. 

“But the thing is,” Suga continues “Is that you don’t understand how good it feels when you stop fighting it. It takes longer for some than for others, granted. And it takes a hell of a lot of courage to say _this is a person that I like_ , even if it’s to yourself. But once you do it just feels… It feels like you can walk taller and straighter. Like breathing doesn’t take so much effort anymore.”

Kageyama does, in fact, let out a long breath that he hadn’t realised he was holding at that comment. It feels like floating in midair as he comes back down from a set. 

“I’m… not wrong, am I?”

Kageyama’s not sure he knows the difference between right or wrong anymore. He also feels dangerous wetness in his eyes that he’s not sure he can hold back if he opens his mouth. So he just says nothing. 

“Kageyama, you shouldn’t have to hold all of this inside. Please don’t carry it around with you. It’s too much.”

The silence that follows feels utterly impenetrable for a long time. 

“I’d like to go home,” Kageyama murmurs. 

Suga just whispers, “okay,” and blessedly, it’s the last word Kageyama hears out of him. 

* * *

When Kageyama is 6 years old, he witnesses his first fake playground wedding. He remembers thinking the whole ordeal as stupid and unnecessary and would much rather be playing with a ball in the corner of the schoolyard than playing the ring bearer at the wedding of two people who couldn’t say each other’s last names without stuttering. 

When he’s 10 years old, one of his classmates starts dating his first girlfriend. He’s not even sure the word _dating_ by the standard definition even applies to those that have just about scraped into the double-digit age range, but he remembers it being a huge spectacle at the time. Not only was the boy the first in his year to date, but the girl was a whole grade above them. He was basically the next best thing to a celebrity. But he’s not Kageyama’s friend and so he has very little to do with any of it besides overhearing whatever loud conversations his peers have before their teacher arrives every morning. 

When he’s 13, one of the boys on his team that he’s not on bad terms with starts seeing a girl, which at that age means he barely sees Kageyama anymore and Kageyama spends more evenings at his grandparents’ house during the duration of their relationship where he might usually practice with Yuki in the park. It’s during one of those evenings when his grandmother asks if there’s no one in his class that _he_ likes. He just shrugs and carries on eating. He prattles on about volleyball in his still sort-of-but-not-quite-yet-broken voice while his grandparents listen intently with endearing looks on their faces. By this point, he’s been playing for a long enough that he can’t imagine falling this hard and this fast for any human being the way he’s fallen for this game.

At 15, he’s preparing for a fresh start at Karasuno High, his dreams of attending Shiratorizawa already ruined. During his spring vacation, he spends his afternoons practising in his yard, just bumping the ball against a wall to keep his instincts sharp, a red-headed menace on his mind with every _bump bump bump_ against the bricks. His mother hangs out the laundry and watches him play, asking every once in a while what he’s looking forward to the most at his new school. She asks whether he thinks there’ll be any nice girls in his class and warns him that he might be very popular, what with him having grown into such a “handsome boy”, whatever that means. Kageyama really doesn’t think he looks much different to the other boys in his age group, perhaps just a little bit taller. He doesn’t think height alone is much of a reason to get into a relationship. “I’m looking forward to playing volleyball again,” he says. 

Three months after he turns 16, Kageyama’s vice-captain takes him out for ramen and asks him if he has feelings for his best friend. And for the first time in his life, Kageyama doesn’t shrug or roll his eyes or ignore the comment. Instead, he thinks of the first time he saw Hinata’s wicked jump and mad eyes and realised he was the same kind of starving animal that Kageyama was. He thinks about Hinata’s trust in him. How he’d jumped with closed eyes and an open heart during that first practice game and countless games after that, never doubting that Kageyama could ever do him wrong. He thinks of every stupid and not so stupid fight they’ve ever had, every laugh, every joke. Every echo of them in each other’s lives, one both sharpening and infuriating the other. How, even though Kageyama thought he had felt like a whole person before Karasuno, he’d never really known the extent to which he could be happy. Not just a group of friends, but someone to tease, someone to eat with and sit next to and challenge above all, someone to hurt without the fear of turning around and finding them gone. He thinks to Hinata in a real relationship. Of someone like Sachiko walking Hinata home and failing English together and having a special variety of insults made just for each other. All the stuff he would usually do with Kageyama, but now with someone else. He thinks of how Hinata is very much a _boy_ and how that’s definitely _not_ the way it happens for most people. How every family member or classmate he’d ever had always asked about _girl_ friends. How that was what he saw in every movie and heard in every song. He thinks of Daichi and Suga and the two and a half happy years they’ve spent together with seemingly no concerns that neither one of them is a girl. That they don’t seem to love, respect or flirt any differently to his parents or his aunts and uncles or even Tanaka and the girl he’s head over heels for. He thinks about the ways in which Hinata has both nourished and uprooted his life all at once, created a balance there that he didn’t know he was in need of. How he wants him to keep doing that. Wants him to surround him and be by his side for all of his days.

Three months after he turns 16, Kageyama walks home with a belly full of ramen and his heartbeat in his ears and by the time he sets foot through the door he has the hair-raising suspicion that for the first time in his life he has feelings for someone. All those side-eyes and whispered conversations over dinner tables and laundry baskets had led to this moment. Just as he had suspected during that conversation with his mother, those feelings _certainly_ have nothing to do with the other person’s height. 

But the feelings are real and they’re provoking, deafening, challenging… and they’re all for Shouyou Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta.
> 
> Please feel free to tell me how stupid our darling boys are, because they really, really are!
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3


	3. Chapter 3

There’s a tiny part of Kageyama that feels like taking a sick day the following morning. And the next day, and the next day, until the riddle of his heart just gets miraculously resolved. He wonders if it’s standard practice for people to be made aware of their not-so-platonic feelings for someone and how much they want to spend all their waking moments with that person _while_ they happen to not be on speaking terms with them. It’s a paradox of frankly irritating proportions, but Kageyama spends most of his time feeling annoyed so it’s not as though it’s an emotion that’s alien to him at least. 

But if he doesn’t go to school, he can’t play volleyball. And as sorry as he is for having hurt Hinata, he’s also frustrated with him for not coming clean to him about whatever he and Sugawara had talked about that had catapulted them both into this confused mess and catapulted Kageyama _specifically_ into an emotional crisis. He’s not about to let Hinata take away one of the only things that has brought him consistent joy since childhood. Not to mention it will be a little difficult for him to at least try and make amends if he hides at home under his mattress like he wants to. 

He decides that cowardice is for cowards and makes his way to school on Tuesday morning as usual. He and Hinata still don’t speak, partly due to Hinata still giving him the cold shoulder and partly due to Kageyama feeling like his head will explode if he so much as goes _near_ Hinata. 

He’d half expected it to feel… different… when he saw him for the first time after his conversation with Suga. But when Hinata walks into the club room, he realises that - apart from the whole not speaking situation - being in his presence feels exactly the same, just as familiar as it has done for the past year. The only real thing that’s changed is that now Kageyama has access to information that Hinata doesn’t - namely the fact that Kageyama doesn’t want a girlfriend, not in the slightest. And being the person that knows something that Hinata makes him uncharacteristically nervous around him. 

Is this really what a crush was supposed to feel like? 

It's the same story on Wednesday, then Thursday and by the time Kageyama is getting ready for school early Friday morning, he realises that it’s the last day of the school year. Their last day as first years. It’s outright dizzying how quickly that hits him, along with the realisation that in a matter of weeks they’ll have new students joining the club. 

The third years ask them to gather around as soon as everyone is in the gym and all of a sudden Kageyama is reminded of the fact that this will be their last practice together. That it’s their last day as high schoolers, as Karasuno High players, as their teammates. He can’t believe how quickly the time has gone and how he could have possibly missed that today was their last match. In all the years he’s played and of all the teams he’s been a part of, he’s never once dreaded the loss of the upperclassmen. 

God, he definitely doesn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with the thought of them leaving right now, especially while his head is still so occupied with the fact that things between him and Hinata haven’t improved at all since their fight. If anything, they’re getting more and more used to silence the longer Hinata ignores him and Kageyama can’t bear the thought of losing both him and his upperclassmen on the same day. If he can’t somehow fix this, is this what their dynamic will end up being like till it’s _their_ time to stand in this gym and wish their underclassmen good luck for next year?

Daichi leads the discussion and his speech is filled with words of praise and pride and heartfelt gratitude for everything that they’ve achieved together against all the odds possible. Kageyama looks around at his teammates, who are barely holding it together. Tanaka and Noya are the only ones audibly crying, but they’re at least trying to stay quiet out of respect for their captain. Hinata, who is standing at the other end of the line from him, is biting his lip, looking straight at the ground and letting the tears fall without making so much as a peep.

“I…” Daichi falters slightly in the middle of what Kageyama assumes was a pretty well-rehearsed speech. His hesitation doesn’t go unnoticed by Suga, who brushes his index finger over the back of Daichi’s hand. It’s barely a touch, and barely noticeable, but it’s still the most affectionate they’ve ever been in front of the team. Daichi looks to Suga and then to Asahi who is standing on his other side. 

“Thank you, captain,” Asahi says and finally lets his tears fall. There’s something about seeing _him_ cry that must break something even in the other two’s polished exteriors, because a mere second later, Suga’s face screws up horribly. He takes Daichi’s entire hand into his, bringing his other arm across Daichi’s body to clutch at his opposite arm and buries most of his face into Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi looks stunned, but Asahi just wraps his arms around them. He’s so large that he easily envelops them both and Kageyama has never seen them look so small before. Daichi finally breaks down and the three of them cry together in their own little world, which is more than enough to set off the rest of the team. 

It’s Nishinoya who walks up to them first. He aims straight for Asahi, but wraps his small arms around any part of the others he can reach and the rest of the team quickly follow. The gym becomes an echoey mess of cries and ugly noises as they just clutch at each other and don’t say a single word. Kageyama finds himself wedged between Suga and Tadashi and he feels Suga’s arm wrap around his neck and squeeze tight. _You’ll be alright_ it says. 

Kageyama squeezes Tadashi’s arm even though he’s never had a talent for physical affection and wishes desperately that it was Hinata next to him. That they could hold and comfort each other as they move into this uncharted territory together. But Hinata is on the other side of the huddle and Kageyama wants to break through everyone, to grab him, shake him and beg to _talk to me, you small, tiny, perfect idiot_. In the jumble of bodies, Hinata’s eyes somehow meet his. They make the very air around them go still and slow and they cut him like razors with how pained they look. 

By some miracle, they eventually manage to get a hold of themselves and organise teams of six for one final practice game of the year. Daichi, Suga and Asahi stick together on one team, which would usually feel like an unfair fight but no one even thinks to complain about it this final time. Noya and Tanaka also walk over to their side of the court without asking for permission, which still only gives them five players. Kageyama half expects it, like he has every day this past week, but it still stings when Hinata walks over to their team. Their last game together like this and he still doesn’t want to try and take down their upperclassmen as a pair. 

On his side of the court, Kageyama prepares to deliver a killer serve and chooses for the next hour to forget all about Hinata and focus on enjoying this game. 

* * *

It’s one of the most enjoyable games Kageyama has ever played. There’s no real rush or panic to improve or to avoid making mistakes. There’s still a heat that rises between the 12 of them, but it’s pleasant and friendly and nothing like the gruelling pace of what they went through during their nationals prep. It’s _fun_.

Daichi’s team takes the first set and Kageyama’s takes the second. The third set goes to a deuce and they’re at 30-29 points with no clear sign of victory. It makes Kageyama’s heart race with excitement even as his limbs feel heavier and more sluggish by now. 

He’s in the front row, already calculating who he’ll send his next attack to. The ball gets served over by Suga and it falls short, veering slightly off course. Not quite a jump float, but unpleasant all the same. Kageyama has no choice but to receive it as it comes directly into his path. 

He swears under his breath. With Noya on the other team, there’s no one on this side that’s practised setting and he just got the first touch. The ball goes to Tsukki who’s on the net’s left side and instead of dumping it like the others might expect him to, Tsukki volleys it back to Kageyama to finish it off. The set isn’t great but he can make it work. He sees Tanaka and Daichi clock onto the change and they’re on him far too quickly. 

_A delayed spike_ he thinks. 

He prepares to jump and sees them take the bait as they jump to block. A second later, he leaps into the air for the kill, long after the peak height of their block has passed.

It happens right as he’s grinning and elated from seeing the spike about to hit the court. His weight comes down, not onto a flat surface, but onto the boney, uneven shape of Daichi’s foot.

* * *

For a moment, he feels absolutely nothing and he doesn’t understand why he’s on his back. It takes less than a second for pain, hot and brutal and concentrated to tear at his ankle like a fire lit gasoline. 

He thinks the rest of them are as confused as he is, because nothing happens for a good five seconds and in a stupid move that can only be filled with denial and hope, he pushes up onto his hands and tries to put weight on his feet, before dropping back down to the floor with a high pitched growl. 

He’s surrounded after that.

First by Daichi, who’s closest to him and then by everyone else. They look like they’ve multiplied and Kageyama feels crowded and claustrophobic. He hears Daichi telling them to back away a little and then a stream of questions. _Where does it hurt_? _Did he hear a snap_? _Can he move at all_? 

This has all happened in a matter of seconds. _Seconds_. It already feels like he’s been laying there for hours. As the pain sets into him properly and he comes down from the shock a little, he registers that if he couldn’t even put his weight on his foot now, then he’s benched for weeks. 

A fraction of a second. Just a foot in the wrong place. A single, stupid misstep. 

He’s never been injured before… has always counted himself lucky that he got this far without one. He’s always told other players that it’s not a big deal. That they’ll be back to it in no time. That the more they rest it, the quicker they’ll heal. But now that he’s sitting there, his nails scraping the side of his calf as he stares at his slowly swelling ankle, all he thinks is _I have to stop playing_. 

He starts to huff rather than breathe, puffs of air coming out of his nose hard and fast. He can feel tears coming. _Not, now, not now, not now, not in front of everyone_. He bites his lip and scratches his leg harder. He wants to get up, he _needs_ to stand. 

“Kageyama, stop that!” Daichi ceases Kageyama’s scratching and orders someone to bring them an ice pack from the first aid room. 

It’s been just 20 seconds he thinks. 25 seconds. There are still so many people around him, looking at him. 

At 30 seconds, he sees Noya and Tanaka, the first standing over him, the second crouching by his side, get shoved violently. The force of it knocks Tanaka onto his own ass and Kageyama doesn’t have the chance to ask if he’s okay before Hinata is _right there,_ eyes wild, panting like a dog in the heat of summer. 

Apart from the brief moment earlier, this is the first time Kageyama has been the recipient of Hinata’s direct attention in a whole week. It certainly helps with his own panting problem because being this close to Hinata and being able to see his freckles properly and notice the puffiness around his eyes from their earlier crying makes Kageyama stop breathing altogether. 

The first words he hears, coming out heaving and frantic are, “Are you dead?” 

He could strangle Hinata if he had it in him to tear his hands away from his calf where he was no longer scratching but just digging his nails in deep. 

“He’s not dead Hinata, it looks like it’s a sprain,” Daichi says, clearly amused. Hinata could always be relied upon to break the tension. But Hinata isn’t chuckling along with the others. His eyes dart between Kageyama’s ankle and his tensed face. 

“Okay, we need to get this leg elevated while he calms down,” Daichi says “Suga, get his other side, I can take the weight of his bad foot, we can hobble him over to the supply cupboard while we bring the swelling down.”

“No,” Kageyama groans. “I don’t need help, just give me a minute, I just landed funny, I’ll stand up just fine in a second.”

He makes his point by attempting to get up again, but Daichi puts a threatening hand on his good leg. 

“You either let Suga and I take you to the get your ankle iced, or Asahi will pick you up bridal style. Those are your only two options.”

It’s his _no room for negotiation_ tone and Kageyama throws his head back in frustration, cursing himself for ever crying over the three of them leaving. 

It’s not like he could fight them off in the state he’s in and the thought of being carried bridal style _anywhere_ knocks enough sense into him that he just nods tearfully and allows himself to be lifted to his feet. 

The three of them hobble over to the supply cupboard, the rest of the team following, but maintaining a respectful distance. Hinata lingers a little closer behind them and follows them into the room. 

“Hinata,” Suga says, his voice slightly strained from setting Kageyama down as gently as possible “can you grab something to put under his foot? It needs to be elevated.”

Hinata scrambles for something suitable and comes back to them with rolls of cloths, mats and a stool short enough for Kageyama to rest his foot on. Daichi and Suga position Kageyama so that he’s sitting comfortably and slowly lift his leg into position while muttering words of encouragement for the pain. 

“We should take his shoe off, it’s hurting him.” Hinata moves to make good on his idea, but Daichi gently puts a hand over Hinata’s.

“No, it needs to stay on. It looks like it’s a sprain seeing as he can still move it and it’s already swelling within a couple of minutes - that’s a good sign,” he assures, ever the calm, collected leader. “But compression is key to keeping the swelling down, if we take his shoe off now, it’ll just make it worse.” 

Hinata nods, looking like he’s attempting to take in all this new information. In the meantime, Tadashi has scurried in to meet them, carrying a towel and a couple of ice packs.

“The nurse will want to see you,” he says “They’ll probably want to call your parents to come pick you up.”

Kageyama wants to burn in shame at the trouble he’s causing. At the last game he’s ruined with a truly rookie mistake. 

“Let’s just wait till he’s cooled off down shall we?” Daichi says. “We need to ice that ankle as soon as possible so that gives him some time.” He crouches down to Kayeyama’s level and inspects his ankle closer. “I’m so sorry Kageyama,” he murmurs. “You’d think that as a third-year I’d be above making stupid mistakes like landing with my feet underneath the net.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Kageyama hisses as Daichi slowly manoeuvres his ankle to gently assesses his range of motion. “It was me, I was too close to the net. Tsukkishima’s stupid toss was off.”

Suga chuckles at him from where he’s standing above Daichi. “Well, at least you’re acting like your usual self so we know you don’t have a concussion from falling over like that.”

Daichi smiles and puts his ankle back down onto Hinata’s makeshift perch. “Okay let’s ice this before it swells up any more.” He watches Daichi wrap the ice pack in the towel and press it gently to where he’s swollen and tender. The cold combined with the pain makes his skin crawl and he feels himself start to lose control of his emotions again. 

“I’m going to be off the court for weeks,” he grits out and he means it to come out as angry as he feels but when he hears his own voice it just sounds like he’s on the verge of tears. Maybe he is. 

“Yes,” Daichi says gently. 

“I’ll be useless to you guys once I return. I’ll—”

“—I’ll do it.” The sound of Hinata’s voice makes all of them look up at him. He looks focused and more emotional than Kageyama thinks he has the right to, considering he’s not the one sitting there like a rabbit that’s come straight out of the trap. But he’s grateful for the interruption, as it gives him a chance to get a hold of himself. 

“You sure?” Daichi asks. Hinata nods, determined. 

Kageyama notices Daichi looking up at Suga, who looks between Hinata and Kageyama, then back at Daichi, who then looks at Hinata. 

It’s one of the most painful exchanges Kageyama has ever lived through. 

He doesn’t think that Daichi knows the full extent of what’s happened in his personal life in the last three weeks; he knows Suga respects his privacy too much for that. But they are also a couple and he and Suga had spent an _hour_ having ramen together the other day. He doesn’t think Daichi assumes Suga really stuck around at the 7/11 all that time choosing which yakisoba bread to bring home.

“Okay. 20 minutes or so, okay? Keep it elevated. We’ll go clean up out there,” he informs them. “Alright, you guys! Nothing to see here, let’s get all this put away and cool down!” he addresses the rest of the team not so subtly lurking outside the door. 

Kageyama hears scurrying as the guys do as they’re told and Suga also leaves them in peace, slowly closing the door behind him with a content look on his face. He pulls the door to, but doesn’t close it completely, allowing a little light to filter in.

Hinata sets a timer on his phone and sits beside Kageyama’s leg, keeping the ice pack in place. He locks onto that spot the same way Kageyama learnt to lock his set onto Hinata’s eager palm. So much for them speaking again. Now he wasn’t even _looking_ at him.

“You’re not going to be useless,” he says eventually “so don’t ever think that. You big idiot.”

He blames the pain. He blames everything on the shooting, numbing pain for what he's possessed enough to say next, “Why the hell have you been ignoring me all week?”

Hinata at least has the decency to look ashamed, which makes Kageyama feel better that the person he likes isn’t enough of a moron to think that Kageyama hadn’t _noticed._

“If you’re just going to sit there and stare at my ankle Hianata then get lost, I’ll ice it myself. Or ask someone who doesn’t make the swelling worse by making my blood boil when I look at them.”

“I didn’t think you would care if I spoke to you. Or that you’d be happier if we didn’t.”

“That is such crap.”

Hinata looks up at this. He clearly didn’t expect Kageyama to bite. “You knew exactly what you were doing, I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to talk to you this week.”

Hinata scowls at him, annoyed. “Funny that, because for all the talking trying you were doing, I didn’t hear much sound coming from you. But then again seeing as we’re not friends, I suppose I shouldn’t expect to be treated as anything but the middle blocker you send quick attacks to.”

Kageyama flinches, his own words already coming back to bite him. The only way he’s ever been taught how to fight is through anger and so he grits out, “don’t you dare lecture me about talking when you’re the one who cornered me with dumbass accusations of having eyes for your girlfriend and expected me not to get pissed when you didn’t explain where the hell you got that idea.”

“From _you_ , you moron!” It’s the first time Kageyama has heard Hinata’s raised voice in a while. “What else was I supposed to think? You stopped tossing to me lots anymore! You were grumpier and more horrible than usual and it was all after you saw those stupid chocolates!” He’s starting to speed up, which Kageyama knows from experience means he’s getting pretty upset.

“So you just jumped to your own stupid conclusions as usual? Do you honestly use up all your thinking on the court and have none left for when you get home?”

“ _Shut up.”_ Hinata looks close to tears and Kageyama isn’t doing much better. It’s been too long since they’ve spoken and the cumulative effect of a silence this big, Kageyama’s injury, and both of their combined secrets is just too much. 

“ _No_ ,” Kageyama responds, his voice slowly morphing into his most growling, dangerous and primal. It’s his _setter_ voice. “You numbskull, I’ve never looked twice at Sachiko, I’ve never looked twice at any girl, you _know_ that! So why the hell wasn’t my word good enough for you? You really thought I was pining away after her like Tanaka over Kiyoko? Of course you did, because you never _think_ , you’ve only ever acted on instinct since the day you first flew past the net in front of me- _God_ that hurts -” he hisses in pain and throws his head back for a moment as he accidentally twitches his own ankle in his slowly ascending fury. “Of course it would make sense to you to drag Sugawara into this and then get the completely wrong idea from him. Is that why Sachiko broke up with you? Because she realised she’d have to do all the heavy lifting mentally?”

“She didn’t break up with me, I broke up with her!” He doesn’t quite blurt it out, but Kageyama doesn’t think he _planned_ to reveal that information. 

“That’s not what you said before,” Kageyama points out, and there’s a natural lull in the tone of his voice as he tries to comprehend _why_ Hinata is telling him this.

Hinata swallows. “I lied.”

Kageyama’s face screws up in confusion. “Why would you lie about something like that? Why the hell would I care about who broke up with who? Is that what this big secret between you and Suga is about?”

Hinata looks back down at Kageyama’s ankle and he might as well have lifted up a sign that said _I’m hiding something_.

“There’s something else isn’t there?” 

Hinata says nothing and looks dangerously as close to tears as Kageyama feels. “We need to change this ice over in a minute,” he says. 

Kageyama _seethes._

“Really?” he demands. “Is that how it’s going to be? What the hell did you even come in here for then? Just to get inside my head and twist me inside out? _Fuck_.” He knows there’s ice on his foot but the pain won’t stop and he’s getting worked up and his heart rate is going up. It’s also pretty cold inside the storage room but he’s started sweating, can feel it on the back of his neck, under his arms, into the crooks of his knees where he’s still wearing his knee pads. He’s so _angry_ and yet he doesn’t know at who. Mostly at himself, but it’s not like he can inflict any more pain on himself than he’s already in, so he tries his best to direct his anger at Hinata. 

God, they should never have gone to the same school. Hinata had no right to invade his head and his heart like this. To make him weak and whimpering and trembling on a storage cupboard floor in his attempts to not spill his entire heart out to him. For all the people to feel jealous over and to fall for, it just had to be him. He wants to hate him. He has no idea how to. 

Hinata stays stubbornly silent. 

“You’re a damn coward.” Kageyama knows he’s speaking to Hinata, but that’s the last person those words are aimed at right now. It makes Hinata look up though, his eyes unforgiving. 

“You’re a _prick_ sometimes, you know that Kageyama? God, sometimes I don’t know why I-” He cuts himself off abruptly and _squeezes_ the ice pack in his hand but clearly tries to avoid adding extra pressure to Kageyama’s ankle with scary amounts of precision - he’s trying actively _not_ to hurt him, despite his obvious anger.

Something about the gesture makes Kageyama look at Hinata’s face. Really _look_ at him. And it finally makes something click in Kageyama’s consciousness that he hadn’t been able to understand before. 

All this time, he thought Hinata had been revelling in Kageyama’s punishment. The cold shoulders, the public humiliation, the refusal to work with him or even acknowledge his existence. But seeing him like this - lips bitten from trying to hold back the tears and failing as they start to roll down anyway, cheeks red and nails digging into the frigid cold of the ice so hard his fingers have turned as red as his eyes - Kageyama realises that he’s not the only one that’s been hurting. That Hinata is just as desperate, just as wounded, and just as lost as Kageyama. Whatever Hinata has been keeping a secret, whatever he felt like he could tell Sugawara and not Kageyama, it’s made him look like this. 

Kageyama can’t help but break at that. 

Hinata is no coward and Kageyama knows this. He’s pulled Kageyama up in a million and one ways that he’ll never know about because Kageyama will never have the right words to tell him. How Hinata has taken every part of Kageyama that he’d been ashamed of, that he’d been hated for and turned it into something beautiful like he was forging diamonds from dirty coal. He’s fought and echoed Kageyama from the very first day they played together and plagued Kageyama’s dreams and nightmares for months prior. Even as a mediocre player at first, he’d still managed to give Kageyama a reason to fight, to give him hope that there was someone out there who could one day catch him; not just on the court but in every aspect of life. He’s clawed his way to where he is, on the team, on the court, in Kageyama’s life, and he’s not sure he could ever be worthy of all that it entails.

No. Never a coward - A crow. A fighter. 

A fighter who’s clearly wounded and in need of a hand. Who is carrying something that he can’t bear the burden of on his own but is too afraid, for whatever reason, to speak it. Kageyama thinks of his own secret that could threaten everything he’s ever built with Hinata and the team, ruin everything that has taught him how to smile. But Hinata - tiny, brave, infuriating Hinata, needs him right now. And if the only way he’ll open up to him is for Kageyama to offer a part of himself, something of _his_ that is frightening and raw, no matter how much he stands to lose, then he doesn’t deserve to have Hinata in his life and his kind smiles and his good, pure heart. 

_Kageyama, you shouldn’t have to hold all of this inside. Please don’t carry it around with you. It’s too much._

Enough was enough.

“Hinata…” he says, low and careful and tearful. His throat pains him with the effort it takes to get just the one word out, like his glands are already swollen. “Suga was right, I was jealous when you and Sachiko started dating but… not for the reason you think…”

In the meantime, Hinata’s breathing has calmed slightly and he’s happily allowing his tears to fall so his face looks slightly less pained. Kageyama isn’t sure which face he hates more. 

Hinata goes about changing his ice pack for him as gently and as carefully as though there wasn’t a bad feeling between them in the world. Neither of them are looking at the other when Kageyama continues and it makes him braver than he would be if he was looking into Hinata’s eyes. Kageyama has _never_ been good at words, at communicating what is in his heart to another human being. But he closes his eyes and channels all of his mental energy into just _trying_. 

_One word at a time. Just one word at a time, that’s all it takes._

“I wasn’t jealous because I wanted to be with Sachiko or because I wanted a girlfriend and you had one before me. I was jealous because I saw those damn chocolates in your bag and I knew you’d got them from someone else. That that person could end up being someone really special to you. That you might end up spending all of your time with them doing all the stuff that we would normally do together. That you would do stuff together that me and you have _never_ done. Like sit closer to each other on the bus home from tournaments until one of us falls asleep on the other. Or going to get food in the evenings and only one of us paying. Holding hands while watching a movie at my house while no one’s looking. God, whatever else that comes with it.” He sounds rehearsed to his own ears even though he’s certainly not and he can’t tell if the magnitude of what he’s trying to say isn’t just falling flat. “I was jealous of you dating her… because I wanted it all to be with me.”

He wants to vomit. 

This is probably the worst decision he’s ever made and he blames his stupid ankle and the one brain cell he shares with Hinata for leading him to this moment. He thought looking down while he spoke would calm his nerves but now he realises that he can’t see Hinata’s reaction and that makes him even more anxious. 

He doesn’t hear Hinata say a word and he knows for a fact that this is where he will lose him. This argument they’re having will be the last words Hinata will speak to him. He’ll need to quit the team. He should have just kept his mouth shut…

… He feels a movement at his ankle and looks up.

Hinata has gone from kneeling, to sitting back on his heels, his hand just barely grazing the ice to keep it in place. His face is a picture of raw, unedited wonderment. He’s completely frozen. 

“That’s what Suga was trying to tell you when you spoke to him. About me. The other week.” Kageyama wants to stop talking but the silence is deafening him. He can’t process the look on Hinata’s face, he can’t tell what he’s _thinking_ and he’s starting to panic. He wants to get up and leave but his stupid sprained ankle...

“Are you lying?” Hinata finally asks, but it comes out more like a scared little squeak. “To make fun of me or… I don’t know, just... Are you lying?”

The comment calms Kageyama down slightly because it’s the exact response he supposes he _should_ have expected from Hinata and he would roll his eyes if the tension wasn’t still so thick. 

“Why would I lie about something like that you dumbass? I … Look, I don’t want to make it all weird, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable... I only told you because I wanted you to know that whatever’s bothering you, it can’t be as bad as that. Whatever you’re hiding… it’s okay, you can tell me. It can’t be as embarrassing or-”

“Shut up,” Hinata halts him, but with no real heat this time. “You dummy, stop talking. Just _stop_.”

Kageyama feels the lump back in this throat. He’s ruined it. Even when he thought he couldn’t make it worse, he’s managed to sink to an all-new low. 

“I liked you first.” 

If there were ever four words that had the ability to stop time, it would have been those. Kageyama just stares. And blinks and _stares_. 

“That’s why I broke up with Sachiko. Because she wasn’t you, even though she was very sweet. But I didn’t want chocolates from her, I wanted them from _you_. Or I wanted you to get chocolates from _me_.” 

Kageyama is going to pass out. He hasn’t taken a single breath since Hinata started speaking. “You big idiot, don’t you call it embarrassing or bad, I want to do all those things with you too.”

In the span of five seconds, Kageyama’s brain starts to scan for signs that he should have seen this coming. He can’t help it - athlete reflexes. That all this time he had been hating himself, furious at his own confusion and ineptitude as a friend, Hinata had liked him back. They were idiots. God, they were both such idiots. 

Of course, he doesn’t say any of the sentimental things he’s thinking. Instead, he frowns and the words that actually come out of his mouth, almost by accident, are, “What do you mean you liked me _first_?”

Hinata frowns back. “Well, who’s the smarter out of the two of us? Did you really think it was you? I don’t think so!”

“Well, how long have _you_ liked me for then, genius?” Kageyama demands. There was no way Hinata could have been keeping this inside him for very long without somehow letting on to his feelings. 

“Since we fought in Tokyo and stopped training together,” he says and Kageyama is _stunned_. Months then, it had been months. “When you finally sent me that set I realised maybe I liked your stupid face yelling at me every day. I missed that!” He says it in the same earnest and overzealous way he’d told Kageyama _I can’t help it, trust is the only way I know how to do it!_ When he’d demanded how Hinata could possibly jump for his sets based on nothing but trust. 

“You- what sort of person realises they like someone because they’re not being shouted at for a week? And you’ve known for _that_ long?!” He’s so honest with his own heart that Kageyama marvels at how he could have kept all that locked inside his tiny scrawny body all these months. Kageyama had no idea. 

Hinata ponders at that. “Well… it didn’t happen right away, it took me a little while to figure it out… but seeing you get excited and smile for the first time in forever after I hit that set of yours… it was like something just exploded inside me, I can’t explain it! Like when I score a point or dodge a blocker but better, like…” he makes a frantic sort of motion that maybe resembles sparks, or something like them, coming from the place where his heart is. 

“Since Tokyo…” Kageyama ponders, and now he’s actually _annoyed_. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t _you_?” Hinata raises his voice to match Kageyama’s more frustrated tone.

“You’ve apparently known all this time? Shouldn’t it have been your job to… do something?!”

“What was I supposed to say?” Hinata sounds frantic at this point and Kageyama can hear that he’s getting tearful again. “ _Hey, Crappy-yama, I know we sometimes hate each other’s guts, but do you wanna split a portion of curry buns tonight in a ‘date’ sort of way?_ Would that have worked for you? Would that have made you like me? Would that have woken you up and made you get me chocolates on Valentine’s Day? I _tried_ to tell you so many times and I tried to tell you that day when we were walking home together. I could always read you before no problem, but it was like I didn’t even know who you were and for God’s sake, you never _talk_ about yourself, you never talk about your feelings, so how was I supposed to know if when I told you, you wouldn’t just punch me, or worse, quit the team. I was scared, okay? I was scared and I didn’t know what to do and-”

“Hey,” Kageyama stops him by gently putting an arm on whatever part of him he can reach, which happens to be his wrist. It sort of hurts his ankle in this position, but he doesn’t know how else to stop Hinata’s escalating frenzy. It’s not often that Hinata gets genuinely hysterical, so trying to calm him without Kageyama raising his voice is new territory for both of them.

Hinata looks down at where they’re touching and blushes, even through his tears and wet nose and puffy eyes. 

“I was scared too,” Kageyama tells him. “I thought I was gonna go crazy with it some days. And it was only a few weeks for me. For you it’s been … God, how did you keep all of this inside Hinata? How did it not make you want to scream?”

“Being on the court with you helped a lot,” he sniffles and brings his free hand to rest tentatively over the one Kageyama is using to hold his wrist. Kageyama can’t bear how gentle Hinata’s being with him and now that they’ve stopped shouting for a moment, he remembers the pain in his ankle, especially since the ice has disappeared without a trace. The pain and the hurt both twist around each other inside him till he can’t stop the tears anymore. 

“Hinata…” he breathes. “I am so sorry for everything.” He barely gets the words out and has to take long pauses between each one. “For lying, for saying those things, for taking this long to… I’m just... so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Hinata replies, squeezing his wrist a little tighter in a way that Kageyama hopes it means that he’s forgiven, at least for now. “I don’t ever want to fight with you again.”

“We will,” Kageyama tells him. “As long as I'm breathing, we’ll fight. Please don’t hate me for it.” He squeezes Hinata’s wrist right back in a plea and Hinata finally smiles. “Why are you smiling, dumbass?” Kageyama demands with no heat whatsoever. 

“I’m _so_ happy,” he says and he looks it. “Aren’t you?”

Kageyama furrows his brow like a grumpy old man. “I’m sure it’s easy to be happy when you’re not sitting on the floor with a sprained ankle which _someone_ is neglecting to ice by the way.”

He doesn’t get a response. Because instead of speaking, Hinata does something even better and even more shocking and throws his arms around Kageyama, burying his face in Kageyama’s shoulder and pulling Kageyama as far into his chest as he can. It’s actually a pretty awkward angle with Kageyama’s back being up against a pile of mats, meaning that Hinata can’t get his arms around him properly and with his ankle elevated, Hinata can’t sit directly in front of him. But it’s still the closest Kageyama has ever been to another living person aside from his mother and grandmother and it makes him _shake._

Hinata must have felt it because he holds him tighter and starts to rub the parts of his back that he’s able to. Always so understanding, always so patient in the ways that really matter. Finally, Kageyama relaxes into it, bringing his own arms around Hinata, holding him right back. Hinata melts into it and Kageyama feels for the first time how Hinata is very noticeably a smaller person than he is in a way that he’s never truly comprehended in all the months they’ve been playing volleyball together.

Hinata’s right. This makes him unbearably happy. 

“Go out with me?” he hears right up against his ear. It’s so quiet that he’s not sure he’d hear it if Hinata wasn’t so close. It’s hands-down the most hesitant he’s ever heard him. 

“Why?” Kageyama whispers. 

“Because I want you to be my boyfriend.” 

Of course. Kageyama has almost forgotten already that Hinata had liked him back. Hinata _likes_ him back. Hinata likes him _back_. He wonders how long it’ll take before it feels real, how many times he’ll have to say it before it’s normal. And honestly, he’s not even sure he wants it to feel real. He never wants to take this feeling for granted. Never wants to get used to the feeling of being someone that Hinata could look at and speak to and decide _yes, that’s the person I want._

“I meant, why me?” he asks. They’re still holding each other and Kageyama thinks they should be facing one another when they talk, but separating also sounds like the worst idea Kageyama has ever had and that includes asking Oikawa for a favour.

Hinata laughs against his ear and _does_ pull away from that, much to Kageyama’s disappointment. “Because you make my insides go _schoom_.” 

“That’s the volleyball talking.”

“I meant off the court, moron.”

“Yeah?” Kageyama asks tentatively. 

“ _Especially_ off the court,” Hinata breathes. “We’re gonna have to work on your thinking skills you know.” He taps Kageyama on top of the head to get his point across. Kageyama cracks a smirk at this.

“Well I guess if we’re going out then I can borrow some of yours,” he teases. Hinata blushes everywhere that Kageyama can visibly see him and it makes him feel like he’s landed the perfect set. He didn’t even know he could be that smooth. 

“I guess I can allow that,” Hinata murmurs. 

There’s a tap on the door and they both turn to see Suga sliding in with a casual smile on his face. 

“Hey you two, we got the office to call the invalid’s parents, your mom will be here soon to pick you up. We should get you moved slowly.”

“Sure,” Hinata says and searches for the discarded ice pack.

It can’t be lost on Suga how much closer the two of them are sitting since he left them about 20 minutes ago but if there’s one thing Kageyama has realised about his vice-captain in the past few weeks, it’s that he’s one of the most respectful and tactful people he’s ever known. He knows he won’t say anything to anyone until the two of them are ready.

That doesn’t, however, stop him from asking, “Am I right _this_ time in thinking that the two of you have aired your differences?”

Kageyama is so embarrassed he could die, so he’s eternally grateful that apparently Hinata will be the talker out of the two of them in this…. thing…

“Definitely,” Hinata beams and looks right at Kageyama when he says it. 

“I’m _really_ glad to hear that you guys. It’s the best parting gift you could have given us.” He crouches down and ruffles both their hair the way he always does when they do something he approves of during a game. Kageyama graciously allows it. This once. 

“Remember, you know where I am if you ever need anything. Volleyball or otherwise. Daichi too, he’s really not as scary as he looks. You’re not in this by yourselves, okay?”

Hinata grins up at him as his head is patted and looks like nothing in the world could hurt him now. “Thank you,” he says, then turns to Kageyama, “Ready to get moving, Boyfriend-yama?”

Kageyama nearly swallows his tongue and his eyes nearly collapse back into their sockets at those words. 

“Hinata, you absolute _mor—_ ”

Suga interrupts his almost fury with his bright, calming laughter and stands up. “Well, so much for subtlety I guess.” He must have noticed the panic on Kageyama’s face because he reassures him, “don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

To his credit, Hinata does look a little guilty, but it still doesn’t stop them from arguing over it all the way from the gym to the school office. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta.
> 
> I hope the resolution was everything you guys wanted! One more chapter to go <3
> 
> Also fun fact, but I didn't remember till AFTER I wrote this, but "boyfriend-yama" in Japanese would technically be "Kare-yama" which is awesome because it actually does sound like his name haha - I wish I could say I did it on purpose while I was writing but alas!
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox) to spam me about kagehina <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The art for the end of this chapter was created by THE AMAZING AND TALENTED TALIA!!!! Please feel free to go to her [Twitter](https://twitter.com/TaliaMamane) and tell her how awesome she is!!!

Being a couple with Hinata doesn’t exactly go the way Kageyama thought it might. Not that he actually spent much time in the week that he’d been aware of his feelings _imagining_ them as a couple - he’d been far too busy feeling sorry for himself and missing the apparently obvious signs that Hinata has been pining for him (or so Hinata says).

But the day after Hinata asks him out, it’s time for their spring vacation and Hinata’s mom takes him and his sister on a family trip to Kyushu. It’s one they apparently take every year just before the kids start school again and it gives them a chance to make the most of the warmer weather down there to enjoy the beach as much as they can this time of year. 

What that means for Kageyama, however, is that a mere 24 hours after getting a… _boyfriend_ … he is essentially bed-bound with a sprained ankle, a foul mood, and _boyfriendless_. 

He’s not even sure if it counts as dating when they can’t even set eyes on each other for two straight weeks after getting together. Kageyama makes the executive decision that it doesn’t, because he’ll be damned if his first memories of his and Hinata’s relationship will be of him laying in his bed with his foot in the air and setting a ball to himself for hours on end. 

It’s during one of those sessions that, while thinking of the way Hinata will smile at him and hug him when he returns, he sets the ball at a funny angle, making it rebound off his window seal, his dresser, and finally his bad foot. 

Kageyama is pretty sure he goes through every curse word known to mankind and even invents some of his own, before giving up on his volleyball and calls Hinata to blame him for everything that has gone wrong in his life.

* * *

Thankfully, with a combination of sheer dumb luck, good genes and a clean track record of sports injuries up until this point, Kageyama is able to put all his weight on his sprained ankle by the time school starts again two weeks later. 

He gets up earlier than usual, eager to get the hell out of his house and into the club room before the new first years arrive. His physio has told him he needs to wait at least another month before he can get back on the court properly, which is the opposite of ideal with prelim prep already around the corner. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least go to support, train or do anything he can to keep his mind sharp while he recovers fully. If this had happened just a few months prior, they could have easily relied on Sugawara to lead them into battle, but that’s no longer an option. Right… because he’s a _second_ year now.

Hinata emails him to let him know that he’ll be running a tiny bit late - apparently, he was so excited to get back on the court (and to see his _boyfriend_ again - Hinata seems to like that word in an aggressive sort of way) that he stayed up too late and slept through not one, but two alarms. 

Kageyama rolls his eyes but punches the air symbolically that he’ll be the first one there on their first day back. 1-0 to him.

As he approaches the clubroom, he first hears, then _sees_ Tanaka and Nishinoya laughing and joking inside. Noya is doing handstands, while Tanaka blows on him to see if he can topple him over with his breath alone. Nice to see some things never change and Kageyama is eternally grateful for that.

“Kageyama!” Tanaka declares, making Noya jump up from his handstand with perfect form, only a little red in the face. 

“How’s your ankle?” he asks.

“It’s healing up. No game time for a little while still, though. Physio says it should be about a month, but maybe—”

“—No!” They both say in unison and Kageyama is taken aback. “You’re staying off the court for as long as you need to recover!” Tanaka warns him.

“That’s right!” Noya agrees. “Just because Daichi’s not around anymore, don’t think you’ll be getting it easy from us. We’ll be watching to make sure you’re resting. _Third years’ orders_!”

Kageyama can’t help but smile at that. He wonders if he’ll be so full of confidence and excitement when he’s in their position. Leading the club and setting an example. Right now, it just fills him with dread that this year’s and next year’s first years will take one look at him and his scowling face and his frequent bad temper and _hate_ him. 

“Well, we’re off to set up, see you soon!”

They leave as Kageyama awkwardly waves them goodbye and starts to putter around the club room, taking things out of his bag and reacquainting himself with the space. 

“Hey!” he hears soon after and is greeted with a nest of orange hair and bright eyes. 

“Hey,” Kageyama breathes, loving the sound of Hinata’s voice in real life and not through a phone connection. “Thought you were going to be late?”

“I skipped breakfast so I could see you,” he says excitedly.

Truthfully, Kageyama feels a little awkward now that they’re in the same space together. The last time they were both here, they were friends and teammates. Now they’re boyfriends and he has to remind himself to untwist his stomach at the thought of it. 

But Hinata doesn’t give him the time to be nervous before he’s on him; hugging him and thoroughly invading his space and Kageyama forgets his stupid nerves and just breathes him in. He barely got to do this before; everything had happened so quickly the day he’d gotten his injury and they’d only shared a second brief hug outside the school before Kageyama had left. 

Now, he revels in the fact that Hinata can tuck his entire head under Kageyama’s chin and how soft his hair is. God, he’s pretty sure that he could fit all of Hinata inside his zip-up hoodie if he tried. He tightens his arms, making Hinata even smaller and feels his delighted wiggle as he snuggles closer. He has a sneaky suspicion that Hinata will be very fond of hugging as they go forward and he’s definitely going to pretend to hate every second of it and enjoy it with everything he has.

“How was your trip?” Kageyama murmurs and Hinata makes a contented sound. 

“Good,” he says “I ate so much ice cream I thought I was gonna be sick.”

“Moron,” Kageyama tells him. “Only you would see that as a good thing.”

Hinata smiles up at him. “How is your foot?”

“Strong enough to kick your ass on the court soon enough.” 

“In your dreams, Hobble-yama. Good luck catching up to me. You wanna be careful I won’t beat you to be team captain next year!”

Kageyama smirks down at him, grateful to the pit of his stomach that nothing has changed between them. That dating didn’t magically shift the fundamentals of gravity or uproot the laws of time. As long as it’s just them, this way and for as long as Hinata wants him, he has no reason to be scared. 

“Come on, short stuff, let’s get ready before our new _third years_ kick us out of the club for tardiness.”

At the mention of volleyball, Hinata bounces off him in pure excited energy resembling that of a newborn puppy allowed outside for the first time. They change in almost silence like they always do, but as Kageyama stretches and pulls his white t-shirt down over his torso, he opens his eyes to see Hinata _staring_ at him wide-eyed. Seeing Kageyama’s eyes on him, he pretends to look the other way in a farce that is, quite frankly, embarrassing to look at and it’s not helped at all when he knocks over his own bottle of water. 

Kageyama feels the heat on every part of his face when he realises _he_ was the one Hinata was staring at. That is… certainly new. 

They’ve gotten changed in front of each other so many times now that Kageyama wonders if maybe there _is_ something strange growing on his body that caused Hinata to linger on him like that. Then again, they’ve also never gotten changed in front of each other whilst in a relationship where Hinata was technically within his rights to visually appreciate Kageyama as much as he wanted. Yes, that is…. _definitely_ new. 

“Sorry, I … uh….”

“It’s okay,” Kageyama says before Hinata has a chance to think of whatever disturbing excuse he can come up with on the fly. He’s pretty sure that the one brain cell Hinata would use to do that is currently recovering from seeing Kageyama without his shirt on and he’s not cruel enough to subject Hinata to that ordeal. 

“You uh… I don’t…” he is _terrible_ at this. God, what would Suga say if he were here? He’s the most mature person Kageyama can think of right now. “You shouldn’t feel embarrassed I think… we’re going out, you um… you shouldn’t have to look away… right?”

In the meantime, Hinata has covered his eyes as though he’s watching a horror movie and Kageyama rolls his eyes. “My shirt is _on_ , Hinata.”

“Right!” he exclaims “Right, sorry! I’ll um… get used to this I suppose…” he smiles and scratches the back of his head. One of Kageyama’s favourite gestures of his. 

“Yeah me too,” he admits. 

They carry on getting ready and Hinata sits on one of the benches taping up his fingers, just a precaution after being off for two weeks. It’s been a while since he’s done it and out of the corner of his eye, Kageyama can see that he keeps messing up, twisting the tape with his free hand and failing to use the scissors at the same time. He’s seen enough.

“Come here, let me show you how to do that properly. That stuff is expensive you know.”

Kageyama sits next to him on the bench and gets Hinata to rest his hand, palm facing upwards, on the top of one of his thighs. He keeps quiet as he works, just worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he tapes Hinata’s joints with precision. It’s gotten weirdly quiet in the room and he can actually hear the tiny, shallow puffs of air Hinata lets out next to him. He thinks he hears them speed up slightly as he moves on to each new finger and takes extra care not to hurt him or make the tape too tight by mistake.

“Other hand,” he mutters. Hinata does as he’s told and as Kageyama reaches for him, he notices Hinata’s other palm is slightly sweatier. It doesn’t help the tape to stick very well.

“Kageyama?” Hinata asks. 

“Hm?” he replies nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on the task at hand. 

“May I kiss you?”

_Oh._

At first, he thinks it’s a stupid question to ask, but then it takes him a second to realise that they _haven’t done that yet_ … technically two weeks of dating and they physically hadn’t even had a chance to kiss… was he really destined to screw things up that badly?

Kageyama doesn’t stand a chance before his thoughts race at a hundred miles per hour. What if he’s bad at it? What if they never kiss again? Does it really count as dating if you’re not kissing? What about his hands? His eyes? Closed? Open? He’s still holding the damn tape in one hand and he’s not moved for a few seconds by now and-

He accidentally skims Hinata’s wrist with his free hand and feels his racing, fluttering pulse. It wakes him from his panic and makes him look up. He doesn’t think Hinata’s telling pulse is beating out of fear. Judging by the soft and vulnerable and preciously smitten look on his face, Hinata _wants_ to kiss him. Has probably wanted to kiss him for a while now. Whereas stupid Kageyama hasn’t even thought about kissing _once_ since all of this started. He doesn’t know how he managed to be so dim when obviously kissing was the way most people even entered into a relationship. He and Hinata had just _hugged_. 

Kageyama swallows far too audibly for his own liking and looks down at Hinata’s waiting mouth, then back to his sweet expectant eyes. Of course Hinata would ask him something like this when another person might have just leaned in and gone for it. Hinata handled him with a level of care he wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Had iced his ankle for him even when he was screaming in pain himself, had apologised for merely _looking_ at his shirtless boyfriend minutes prior. Was support and smiles and kind words when he knew Kageyama needed them and bitey nitpicking the rest of the time. What about him could possibly make Kageyama nervous? 

He looks back down at his mouth, a mouth which has driven him to the brink of insanity over the past year and will continue to do so for as long as possible and says, “Yes.”

He musters up the courage from _somewhere_ to lean in with Hinata rather than let him do all the work (or get all the glory) and finally, their lips meet. 

It's a kiss as chaste as humanly possible and it’s absolutely perfect. Hinata brings his free hand to cup the side of Kageyama’s face, his other hand squeezing Kageyama’s where they’re still joined on Kageyama’s leg. 

Kageyama has almost no idea what he’s doing, but he assumes neither does Hinata and so he stops overthinking his every breath, movement, and feeling and attempts to melt into the sensation instead. 

Hinata moves his mouth against his, and he attempts to mirror him by moving in unison. They angle their heads slightly and then they fit together _perfectly_. There’s no frantic pace, no making out, nothing except the single touch of their lips warming each other and their hands squeezing together beneath them. It’s warm, it’s comforting and it makes him feel so much closer to Hinata already, even if his lips are chapped and he’s unsure of how wet it should feel. It piques Kageyama’s interest thoroughly for how much more there might be to kissing and how much he and Hinata could practice before they become _awesome_ at it. 

Eventually, there’s no choice but for them to pull apart unless they want to dive right in for a second try, but they have to be at practice soon. And Kageyama feels so lightheaded that for once he’s grateful of his injury so he doesn’t have to deal with making any sets today. Hinata is going to ruin his volleyball career, he can feel it. 

When he opens his eyes, Hinata looks dazed and it makes Kageyama so happy he could scream. His eyes go a little cross-eyed trying to look at Kageyama so close and it makes Kageyama preen from how sweet it looks.

Perhaps it’s that, or the way Hinata is still holding his hand, or the way Kageyama’s mouth still feels warmer, that possesses him to blurt out, “That was my first kiss.” 

And Hinata _beams_. He beams like the sun itself. 

He’s so preciously enthusiastic about every little thing Kageyama does that it sometimes makes him feel as though he’s breakable. Like he could shatter into a million pieces under Hinata’s smile if he let himself.

“I’m glad,” he murmurs. 

Kageyama presses his forehead against Hinata’s, exhales shakily and smiles. Before frowning aggressively quickly. 

“Wait what do you mean _you’re glad_?” he demands. “Wasn’t that your first kiss too?”

“Um… no?” Hinata says nervously. Kageyama halts like a skipped vinyl.

“You.. how..”

“Well, you see when Sachiko and I were seeing each other, we went to see a movie together. While the movie was playing, she leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek but I turned my head to say something to her and she sort of got my mouth instead. It was sorta nice I guess but it lasted for like two seconds and it was the only time it happened. We were both kinda surprised and embarrassed by it.”

Kageyama will throttle him. He swears he will shake him until the universe pities them and puts one rational thought into his boyfriend’s head. 

“You nitwit, that doesn’t _count_.”

“It does too!” Hinata demands. “It was lips on lips, how else do you count a kiss?”

“Well, first of all, it has to be on _purpose_. I swear to god if you were any smaller we could use you as a practice ball, there’s nothing inside you but air.”

“Very funny, Kageyama, you’re just jealous because _I_ was your first kiss!” He does what can only be described as a fake, maniacal, villainous laugh and Kageyama clenches his fists.

“Don’t worry, Kageyama, coming from the more experienced one of the two of us, I think you did pretty good!” He finishes off the comment with a condescending pat to Kageyama’s arm, which just about tips the scales of Kageyama’s patience. 

He pulls Hinata’s hair, which causes him to cease speaking to Kageyama for three whole minutes (and only because he needs Kageyama’s help to grab something off a high shelf), after which they bicker and fight all the way to the gymnasium. 

Later, after they’ve met and Kageyama has (predictably) scared the living daylights out of three of the five new first years, he and Hinata volunteer to clean up. Which leaves them with enough privacy that, while putting things away in the same storage cupboard they’d cried and fought and hugged in two weeks prior, Kageyama pulls Hinata to him by the collar of his shirt, loving that Hinata naturally has to come up onto his toes to meet him at his level, and kisses him for the second time. 

It may be just as brief as their first and it may be Hinata’s “third” kiss in his life, but as Kageyama points out, it’s the first time for _both_ of them that they’ve kissed their boyfriend for the second time. It’s also the first kiss he’s had complete say in initiating and this pleases him enough that he doesn’t even scold Hinata too much when Hinata jokingly refers to him as _Boyfriend-yama_. 

“I’m not calling you _boyfriend_ ,” he says as they lock up the supply room. “Your name is Hinata or Dumbass, both of those seem just fine to me.”

As they walk off, Hinata wraps himself around Kageyama’s arm and looks up at him with an expectantly optimistic look on his face. “What about Shouyou?” he asks impishly.

Kageyama blushes furiously and looks away. “We’ll see,” he mumbles. “Don’t count on it.”

Hinata’s smile doesn’t falter one bit at Kageyama’s reluctance as he squeezes his arm a little harder. “Of course I’m gonna count on you.”

Kageyama inhales sharply and audibly at that, because he fully believes Hinata. It’s the only way their relationship has worked for as long as it has. Hinata has trusted him almost since day one. And Kageyama knows it’s going to be a painful uphill battle for him to repay that trust with his own shortcomings. That there won’t be a single day that they won’t get under each other’s skin. When he stops to think about it, he’s scared. Scared of everything they’re going to face in this strange and unwritten chapter that neither of them has a clue how to read. But if Hinata can be brave and if Hinata can ask him to be his boyfriend and if Hinata can ask to kiss him and if Hinata can grab his arm and plaster himself against him without a care in the world, then it’s his damn job to try and meet him halfway. 

_“It takes a hell of a lot of courage to say_ this is a person that I like _, even if it’s to yourself. But once you do it just feels… it feels like you can walk taller and straighter. Like breathing doesn’t take so much effort anymore.”_

He slides his arm out of Hinata’s grip and puts it around Hinata’s shoulders instead, scooping him in, close and small. He’s not sure he’s ready for the others to see them like this, not yet. But for Hinata, in their private moments, he wants to try and give him a side of him no one else sees. “I’m glad to hear it,” he says, and just _breathes_. 

Hinata wraps an arm around his waist and when Kageyama looks down at him, his first thought, apart from how well Hinata fits against him, is _Shouyou Hinata is my boyfriend_. 

One day, during their most real and quiet and intimate moments, maybe Kageyama will admit it to Hinata that this, Kageyama decided for himself, this is the _real_ start of their relationship. He knows Hinata will fight him over it. One day. Or maybe he won’t. But _this_ is what he wants to remember it by. Hinata’s arm around his and Kageyama holding him against his side and the two of them walking towards the exit of the same gym they’d met and fought in a year and a day ago. 

For that tiny moment, whether it be during a game, the race to the clubroom or the end of a fight, the feeling that accompanies that thought beats any point he’s ever scored. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta.
> 
> aaaand we've come to the end <3
> 
> Like it says in the summary, this was originally meant to be a 5+1 and it still will be, just a VERY extended one haha. Hinata gave Kageyama his first kiss. Next story in the series will focus on the other 4 firsts he gives him <3
> 
> SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!
> 
> Love Roxanne xxx
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox) to spam me about kagehina <3

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATED A/N
> 
> I can't thank you enough for all the lovely words you've had to say about my fic, but I've decided, at least for the time being, to disable comments on all my fics up to this point. New fics will have comments enabled, but email notifications turned off. This has nothing to do with any negative experiences with anyone commenting (as you can see if you read, it's all very very kind), but I've just found the experience a little too overwhelming for me personally in terms of responding and no matter how many people tell me not to worry, it's not going away, and I know the more I write the more it'll frustrate me. I didn't want to let new people comment on the story and feel ignored or left out because they thought I refused to reply to them. So the best way for me to do that is just to disable all fics where there are already existing comments. I know this can be horribly frustrating for some folks, so if you really would like to get in touch with me, I LOVE talking to new people and you an reach me via my twitter (linked in the A/N) or through my discord handle which is Roxanne#6113
> 
> I love you all and if you happen to find this fic after this A/N was written I hope you enjoy it and I love you all!


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